DROP IT LIKE IT’S HOT (m4f)
I was heating up quarters with my friends using a blowtorch and leaving them on sidewalks for people to pick up. You were the tenth person to fall victim to our prank, and as I watched the skin on your hand blister into a perfect bubble I was struck by the simplicity of our existence on this earth. The pain that it has become second nature for us to inflict upon each other binds our souls down into the mundane realities, restricting us from higher dimensions of thought. Yet we are caught in this cycle, forced to reenact again and again the same petty cruelties. A ribbon of blood upon a sidewalk; a muffled scream, barely perceptible in the hush of dusk; a bruise blossoming across a cheek like a rare flower: these are the aesthetics and music of our sphere, and this is what I’m going to tell the judge tomorrow during your frivolous lawsuit. If you care to concede your inevitable defeat, contact me over ICQ (BushFan1998). Deny me and I will show you phear in a handful of dust.
LONELY HEARTS SET FREE TO FLY (f4f)
Does love at first sight exist? Saw you at the airport as we were getting on the same flight. You seemed scared, and I wanted to stroke your hair so badly, hold you close to me and and feel your heart beat in time with mine but I couldn’t figure out a way to get your cage open. You were a cat.
A BLACK TIE AFFAIR (m4f)
The sky had never been bluer the first time I saw you, your hand brushing back a strand of hair from your forehead. I was transfixed: never in all my years in this mortal realm had I seen a beauty as stunning as yours. You were surrounded by friends and family members but I snuck close to you using cool moves I remember from playing Call of Duty until we were literally inches away. You told me not to stand so close to you and then your brother started yelling at me and I was removed from the funeral. As I watched you and your family drive away you rolled down the window and yelled at me not to contact you or post an ad about this. Was there something more here?
AN ACCIDENT HAPPENED (f4m)
We need you to come home right away. Your dad is really hurt and we’re not sure how much longer he’s going to be with us. The doctors are doing everything they can but they keep telling us not to expect anything. It would be best if you got here as soon as you can. Please pick up some food for Max as well. Love you. MOM.
You were at the Supercuts, defying traditional gender roles by getting a really horrible haircut. I detected your aura levels were of a kind with my own when you phased through the window without breaking it. I think you noticed me (same haircut) but can’t be sure as I did not want to subject you to my gaze. If you felt what I did, I would like to shift into a pocket-universe with you free from intolerance and hatred. Please contact me through a series of sub-sonic vibrations and tell me which Cartoon Network character shirt I was wearing.
EINSTÜRZENDE NEUBROTEN GOT HE EGO FÜTTERED BY YU (m4w)
Saw you admiring my goatee from across the bar while I loudly talked to my friends. As our voices became higher and higher, rising to the shrieking pitch of tea-kettles, you began to walk away faster and faster as we followed you through the streets, our jaws gnashing in the manner of beasts. Thought there was something there? Would love to find out more.
LET THE BONDS OF MAN’S LAWS SLIP AWAY (w4m)
Thanks to specific zoning law in place where I was born, I am technically classified as a non-commercial bodega. Because of this, I exist outside the absurd laws of man. Nothing stands in my way, except you (tall, handsome, smacking lips and tongue rapidly outside Quiznos on Fraser and 10th).
A NEW SYNTHESIS…TOGETHER? (m4w)
We were together in the club the moment trap became post-trap. Whirling drops and clangs transformed into the gentle pit-pat of baby feet. Too weak to throw our hands up, all we could do was look pleadingly into each others’ eyes as Lex Luger was crucified above us on wall of thorns. As the fabric which binds this reality began to dissolve into the ether, I couldn’t help but notice your Harlem Shake parody t-shirt with Master Shake. Good shit! Let’s chat?
ON THE BODIES OF MY TRIBUTES, I PLACE A SINGLE DIAMOND (m4m)
The flawless beauty in a diamond symbolizes the innocence of what humanity was, and what it can never be again. Captured in time, incandescent and pure: this is the state I leave them in, and as an artist would sign a painting so to do I sign my Gifts to Permanence with a single and perfect diamond. Come find me, detective … the game has just begun.
THERE’S TREASURE EVERYWHERE (w4m)
Your dog looked like Hobbes to me. I want to take him home and recreate a story I’m going to write where Teen Calvin is there, and I’m Teen Susie, and even though we fight a lot and there’s a lot of tension between us, there’s also an underlying and unspoken love. I have dreams at night of walking in the woods. My hand grows cold, and he is there steadfast and strong to tell me that the night holds no terrors we cannot face together. He stops for a moment to urinate against a rusting automobile, looking over his shoulder at me with that cheeky smirk that I’ve come to love and loath in equal measures. As he turns back toward me, however, the grin fades and is replaced by an unmistakable look of longing. “Let’s go exploring,” he whispers, and I notice my blouse is already undone. Give me your dog.
TACO BELL PROMOTION CODE 726347989 (4thmeal4u)
What up this is famous hip hop rapper 2CHAINZ© and when I need to chew thangz I head to TACO BELL© and type in this promotion code. The tender ground 100% beef keeps me satisfied all mother fucking day, and the crisp fresh lettuce adds just the right balance of freshness to the kick of the hot sauce packets. Mountain Dew Baha Blast not cooling you down? I like push my hands deep into the plastic bins that hold the hot sauce packets. It cold in there, on my skin. Murder on the beat, hot sauce packets on the skin, my sick cat wailing “chewww chnnggz” in the car while I get my fill of cool hot sauce feelings and great TACO BELL© values inside. Tweet #UnWrapped for more 2CHAINZ© music.
THE EPISODES OF ROSEANNE WHERE DAVID AND DARLENE ARE HAPPY TOGETHER (m)
I have ‘em. I don’t need you anymore.
THE GREAT TEMPTATION OF EVE (m4f)
Bad boy here: I’ve been abusing the Tinder button. I’m liking every face that slides by my gadgetscreen. Soon I get the Snapchat names; then comes the real moment. I send out the footage of my swollen glans; in the background, I play this clip. Same lighting and pose in every shot. The glow of the screen reflects off a diamond placed conspicuously just to the left of my turgid member. Horrible. The game continues …